smile for a while

1. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
2. Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
3. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
4. It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
5. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
6. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
7. "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
8. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
9. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
10. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
11. Smell yall later!